baby, motherhood

last day as a SAHM

It has been a pretty amazing journey being a stay at home mom especially when I am such a workaholic. I used to think that I would be the kind of mother who can’t wait to get back to work. I had a lot of passion for my job and I truly enjoy working. Now, today, 18 weeks after giving birth to my baby girl, I am feeling a little emotional as my daily routine would be changed and the number of hours to see her would be greatly reduced.

I must say, it really takes a lot for a working mom to handle both family and work. I am sort of an ambitious person ie, I would like to work and not liking to laze around or simply enjoy life. I enjoy spending what I earn, it somehow gives me a form of satisfaction and a sense of achievement. I am most people would be if they enjoy their work. Now, somehow I would feel guilty if I wanted to go yoga after work, or go meet my friends for dinner. But it is the 1st day back at work tmr, I will have to slowly adjust my separation anxiety. I do want to continue my yoga and pilates and dinner with friends instead of being stuck around her schedule.

The good thing about her 7-7 gina ford schedule is, I do really have a life after 7pm, but I work from 9-6pm, means either I go to work early, come back earlier and see her before she sleeps or, I reach work on time and get to see her in the morning and totally dont get to see her at night. It is a tough decision to make. Arghh, I am just going to go with the flow and learn to let things go.

On the other hand, I am in between deciding to start her on solids as per my PD’s preference or just go with formula. I have been having sleepless nights about this decision, and the constant criticism on why I am even considering formula if I am feeding breastmilk. There is definitely a reason for me deciding, the pros outweigh the cons in feeding formula but yet, I am in a dilemma because I am scared of losing that bond with my girl. To see that I am providing her with her meal, it is therapeutic. Once again, I think I need to slowly let go of this “control freak” mentality.

Oh well, wish me luck tmr. Have a blessed sunday ahead everyone!

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